here we go

1st off...please type coherently it just makes for an easier read, i dont mind hearing slang but reading it makes me have to stop reading and figure out exactly what you are saying

the flow on this piece was basic and none to great... try to keep the lines about the same syllabul length...a cheap way is just to make them match lenght on the screen..

As a piece of just introducing yourself you got the point across, i hope you and your crew make something of yourselves.

the vocab and wordplay were very little... try to think of more synonmys (spelling?) to put around your piece

id suggest a collab with someone who does alot of open mic's they would be able to help you out more

stay up and keep trying...