IP:
Im not quite sure what this ones about. Is it supposed to be left to the readers imagination? But the world is messed up like this piece which i think is what you were trying to get across. Nothing really makes sense does it.
'your off i mean you even enjoyed it when the doctor said turn and cough.'
that end is what ultimately lost me. I think you should try to continue where you left off. Like write what other people are thinking and why there brains are shrinking. A lil more descriptive and this piece would be longer and more of a rap. Some fresh lines though. peace.
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