"I don’t plan it to embark…but dreams rocket sky high
Into the glistening nights pride…its galactic jewels mesmerise
But like aspirations I cant touch the prize…so close and yet distant
Im a victim of the system….whims fall on deaf ears that listen"-

This line did everthing... methaphorical, creativity, structure, flow...
It's all there, good concepts too... you based your peice on a old topic (lifes a rollercoaster, heard it all before) ... an brought fresh meaning to it... not many can do that... good read from a good post... uppin.