Yo I liked the wordplay and flow in this. It was descriptive like Word Perfect said which is a good point.
It woulda been better if more emotion went into it. I wasnt really feelin that this subject was personal to you. It seemed like you just put what came into your head down. Thats my opinion anyway...other people might disagree.
Overall...good word but could be improved. 6/10

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HARRY R.I.P
1940 - 2002

In Respect