ok..lyrically I thought this was garbage....I can understand that it's a love song and it's not supposed to be all about punchlines and multis...but a good emcee can make a love song..and still have creative rhymes and metaphors...so you should work on that b/c it looked like u wrote this really quick and had a madd slow r&b beat in your head..

now emotionally you did a good job on this...you showed all the facts...like how far away you live and all that...and you showed how much u actually loved her..w/out mentioning sex one time (that I recall)..that's the kinda shit a girl wants to hear (besides the nymphos..but if your girl was a nympho I doubt u'd be writing about love lol)...

dont' take my crit as a personal thing cuz it's only meant to help u elevate...when u take it personally is when ur not gonna get any better....so try to elevate..maybe write a few practice pieces then when u think u got it perfect let her read the 'perfect' one..

btw on a personal note...long distance relationships suck...not because u can't see them, but because you can't see what they doin...it's almost inevitable that in at the most, 5 months you'll regret writing that piece...but if you make it then TELL ME what the fuck you did lol...good luck tho

peace

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<center> I.J.L</center>