yaz
your not seein the truth to-this, clearly im bein to-ruthless//
too ruthless? dont get it sorry.
man they should lock u under citizin arrest//
citizens arrest.
Overall- Work somemore and structure and the opieler rhyme didnt flow well with rest of vocab
McUski
your blind to the fact that i kill your whole team//
their no way u could believe the way they'll scream//
^^saying team is gayish. not e-gangster
and u say that u kill your team but say next line the way they
'll scream like u havent killed them
with ur eyes wide shut dawg u see wat u wanna see//
ur guy above u said that shit already.
man just give me a motha fuken mic//
so I can Rip u up 1 by 1//
^^taking to one dude but u address many.
u might actually see 4 once//
dont rhyme
Overall- Speak what u know.
Read some RB's Legends threads and learn some shit
.....
Shay-d
beleive whatchu wanna beleive... but this is what im sayin//
^what
are u saying? i dont get the story line
pick a topic
uski will rip u 1 by 1 but i'll rip u guys 2 by 2//
...dissin own guy? dont work well. with topic.
close them... and u get permantly buried under the dirt//
didnt flow with top line. gotta lengthen top or shorten this one.
open ur eyes once and for all//
cause ur not ready to take a big fall//
close ur eyes and u wont make it... u wont have a chance AT ALL//
saying big fall is like a 2 syllable ending rhyme
if the top is not dont rhyme it
overall-i didnt get it.
but o wells go get a sick atopic and rip it cuz
....i think u could if u worked.
EYES - INTO A PLACE THAT I TAKE YOU
WIDE - IT SEEMS NO BODY CAN MISTAKE YOU
SHUT - I GUESS THIS IS THE TRUTH
OPEN EYES WIDE SHUT, BUT THEY NEVA KNEW YOU
^^nice corus.
<h4>Overall Piece- whoever was incharge of that chorus nice job
and its best to tell a story to your topic
or write ur life
or something
not just redundant shit
Sorry if my comments are all on the negitive side.
u got positive when u were drug tested//
^^if u worded this better u would have gotten a sick line.</h4>