i actually thought the layout you had made this piece better
i got a better feel as i read freely and recognized the rhyming bars
nice topic......it's true,
nice imagery
i'm feelin it
i guess sticking by the book on structure and other things arent always the right way for you when it comes to writing
that's good
keep writing

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~.:Soft Focus:.~
{--Deacon (\_/~\_/) Content --}
{-Calisto (\_/~\_/) .:Lady Sage:.-}
{--Filed (\_/~\_/) Domain 9--}
{-Thrust (\_/~\_/) Know1 (\_/~\_/) Emotion-}
{ --Rule (\_/~\_/) Mental God--}
Poetry
Don't Look Into My Eyes Forgotten
Understanding Once Again
"It requires wisdom to understand wisdom:
the music is nothing if the audience is deaf."