i agree, the structure was a little odd
and you didnt write in death, for the 3rd part, i dont know if that was on purpose or not, but it was confusing,
you dont want the reader to be lost or have to read back to see what you're talking about... it makes the piece all the more less interesting
i think these reasons made the point unclear to me
it seems as if there were some random words just thrown in, with and out of the ordinary piece or strange structured piece, you should make the points clearer
ok drop anyways


keep elevatin

__________________
~.:Soft Focus:.~
{--Deacon (\_/~\_/) Content --}
{-Calisto (\_/~\_/) .:Lady Sage:.-}
{--Filed (\_/~\_/) Domain 9--}
{-Thrust (\_/~\_/) Know1 (\_/~\_/) Emotion-}
{ --Rule (\_/~\_/) Mental God--}
Poetry
Don't Look Into My Eyes Forgotten
Understanding Once Again
"It requires wisdom to understand wisdom:
the music is nothing if the audience is deaf."