this was good for a "first-timer"

she got the emotion out well
the structure was sort of weak, but so was the rhyme, so they balanced out
but for a deeper impact she should try to elevate it
the vocab could be elevated also

but none the less this was a nice piece
tell her to keep elevatin
keep writin

__________________
~.:Soft Focus:.~
{--Deacon (\_/~\_/) Content --}
{-Calisto (\_/~\_/) .:Lady Sage:.-}
{--Filed (\_/~\_/) Domain 9--}
{-Thrust (\_/~\_/) Know1 (\_/~\_/) Emotion-}
{ --Rule (\_/~\_/) Mental God--}
Poetry
Don't Look Into My Eyes Forgotten
Understanding Once Again
"It requires wisdom to understand wisdom:
the music is nothing if the audience is deaf."