nice topic
the rhyme scheme was messed up, with poetry you dont need to stick to one rhyme, but you have to be clear with it, you picked one, then another than another, and it made the read real shaky.. you dont want that to happen
also... poetry doesnt always have to rhyme, getting emotion and a deeper meaning (sometimes not even that) across is the thing that matters... here your rhyme seemed forced, dont throw in words just because, deeper words that mean the same can be used,
elevate your vocab
structure
play around with word usage
keep elevatin
your on a good start

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Poetry
Don't Look Into My Eyes Forgotten
Understanding Once Again
"It requires wisdom to understand wisdom:
the music is nothing if the audience is deaf."