yo ill be honest wit da feed back....this piece was aight i really wasnt feeling da lines much cuz some of them had me alil bored da other problem wit this piece is da lack of creativity in da rhyme skeam i know u tried to rhyme each word but it barely made sense as to why u would use some of da words u did like this for example....

example of useless words wit no meaning and no neat flow:

"Evokes times of good rhymes… like days by the coast
Burning lines… run like the sun… leaving fakers roast"

it didnt seem to have a nice flow and da line kinda boogles me unless thats what u was looking for...u start off strong but towards da end u seem to have gotten bored at what u was writting cuz it started to fall off a lil heres an example...

you started wit:

"I seen many things… that these visions bring
We aint in for bling… jus recognition within
The site… respect… due for supreme dialect...."

and ended wit:

"Rising like helium… like aluminium… aint gonna corrode
Jus shine brighter… gettin tighter…break’n the code
Igniter' passion to ladies… with my manipulative mode
I aint owed… aim for respect… without it being throw’d!!!"

like i said u started to get unfocused cuz da creativity never came through to da end so overall this piece is aight da lines were a lil weak da metaphors seemed a lil off and there was barely a nice and neat flow through out da whole thing so if u work on those skills it will sound a lot better other than that nice try......