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Old 11-20-03, 03:03 PM   #13
Gene Pool
Light Weight
 
Posts: 283
IP:

all was good in this piece cept for maybe one thing. I thought it coulda used a lil more vocab in ur first and second verse and a bit better wordplay. it just seemed a lil bit to simple stickin with small words for ur rhyme scheme and the same basic wordplay it kinda threw me off a bit but what really caught my attention was ur opener for your third verse.

these lines in particular.

Full of lies that unfold that you brought, truth was untold but that I sought..
Everything on hold as I grew old and I felt cold and everything I fought..
Fuck it cause you arent worth the hurt bitch and this hates birth is worse…
Cause you make me blurt berserk shit as if this entire verse was cursed..

grabbed my attention quick and I was feelin it. made the piece pick up in a faster pace. some good wordplay used here. other then that flow was tight and so were ya multi's. overall bro good drop I give ya an 8 outta 10 for this. keep droppin bro. peace.
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