i would have posted this in a place like open mic or something, but w/e, the rhyme seemed forced throughout almost the whole piece, that brought the piece down, the vocab could have been elevated, with a topic that is used so often you should try and bring it with new style and from aother perspective, unless your telling the reader what we've heard time and time again, you know? just a little tip
this was an ok piece, try playin with word usage, and a better rhyme scheme maybe.......not all songs need to follow that but this one seems to need something else
ok piece
keep elevatin

__________________
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Poetry
Don't Look Into My Eyes Forgotten
Understanding Once Again
"It requires wisdom to understand wisdom:
the music is nothing if the audience is deaf."