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Aint Nobody Iller Than Me
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IP:
Quote:
Originally posted by WORD~PERFECT
he has trouble getting passed his ugly past
his own life trespassed him, hard to compare and contrast
POETIC AND GRAPHIS RELATIVE TO ANY READER SO YOU GOT THE ATTENTION.
what's going on with this life
strifes for high but ends up a lowlife so he reaches for his jackknife
his mind is way off course
forced straight into the source of his only friend remorse
he thinks it's him that his own life's looking down on him
hanging high on the rim, he's inches from falling off the limb
he's a victim for being a prisoner to himself
so oneself shoves his whole future into somebody else's shelf
AGAIN VERY RALATIVE TO ANY PERSON GOING THROUGH STRIFE INCOUNTERING THE SILIQUIY WITHIN.
his own mind died down
he's a thumbs-down, his muscles shutdown as his body clampsdown
DIDNT LIKE THE REUSE OF DOWN IN THIS BAR.
he's just a clown that's gone a lot wacky
his eye sight's blurry because his tears running out fiercely
DOESNT FIT RHYME......
he tries so hard to try to get control of his problem
but his ignorace gets the better of his wisdom
now he's living below the bottom of his own scrotum
the volume of his own welcome kills him like it was a snake's venom
MAKES ALOT OF SENCE BUT FALLOWS A VERY WEAK RHYME STRUCTURE .
IT WAS AN ILL READ LIKE I SAID BUT NEEDS IMPROVMENT SWITCHING FROM ABSTRACT AND BASIC RHYME IS HARD ENOUGH BUT MAKING IT OBVIOUS MAKES IT EASY TO CRITIQUE NEGATIVE.YOU GOT TALENT THATS OBVIOUS JUST BRUSH UP A LIL BIT.
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^Very good review. One thing I suggest is work on your structure...
Return the favor:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=93392 |