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Old 11-27-03, 08:02 PM   #3
Dev
1E
 
Posts: 1,512
From: N.E.England
IP:

for ya first drop this was ok, the flow was knocked by the short lines, but if you expand the lines i think you got potential..but lose those kinda hooks..some ok vocab, but some just seemed like it was there to fill a gap...work on it....Pz.....
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