The content of what you were saying was good and your message was understood.
Good luck with you family.
I would recommend working on technical aspects of poetry. First rhyme scheme... it was forced in a lot of areas. Use punctuation when necessary, it make the piece more readable and the message will come out stronger.
I think that repetition in a piece like this is a goodthing because technically you are mirroring the content of the poem and the reality of alcoholism.
.wurd.and.good.luck.bro.
.peace.

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I'm a goblin hooked on rails, stuck drinking ale/ I'll rip the horn out a unicorn and shove it up your fairy tale.