My thoughts on this one are...I like it. Real uplifting and hopefull. And it's always nice to see someone finding God.

What I thought was good about this was how you structured it. How you told a story of going from bad to calling out for help and getting it. That first stanza was really good. It drew me into your writing by explaining in pretty good detail how bad you felt and how close to death you were. Then you go to asking for help from Jesus. I also liked how you said where you put Jesus.

"but i have buried you under my burdens
and you have been shut out by my pain"

I do the same stuff and then ask for help too. Then you do this countdown to death thing and at 1 you get the help you been asking for. After you got that help you show the new hope you have by saying you're not burdened anymore. Have I said this was good yet? If not, this is good. Topics like this can never be wrote about too much. Keep posting.