Ok, where do I start.....
I know, structure.....get it sorted dawg, shorten your lines, read other peices if you have to but do somethin bout it.
Also in places your flow was all over the place,

Thinking u can play wit this hard core shit I will get Ur house lit up engulfed in flames\
My bullets explode brains like trains my rhyme will never be the same\

^^That was the best your flow got.
Overall not a very good peice, be more original and creative and practice. 4/10

__________________

HARRY R.I.P
1940 - 2002

In Respect