You Showed Me This On Aim... You ReallY Impressed Me.

Child walks to the river, looks as far as she can see
and draws each breath as if it were the last, and wipes a tear that drops on her sleeve

I Love That.

The Only Thing That I Think I Can Tell You, Is Better Structure.
I Know You Are New To The Site. Look At A Few Other People's Writings And See How They Present It When They Post It. Otherwise, This Is Dope, And Welcome To The Site.