I was not feelin this to much...i mean there are a million topics why choose the one that is the most steriotypical of rap...but seeing as you did...the things you could fix are multies and flow...but just try and be more original naw mean...cause there are so many people who can write songs with blueprinted topics...and vocab they could use but it takes a real emcee to devise a topic and then see it through in there own words thoughts and emotions...

holla