I'd say that you portrayed emotions well. As far as the peice as a whole the technical errors took away from it. Uneven bars, mispelled words, gramatical errors, and the uneven flow of proper and improper were misplaced. Not hatin, jus statin.

P.S: It's "shake it, shake it, ah ahh, shake it like a polaroid picture" Jus so you knew incase you wanted to fix it. But hey you mighta meant it like that.... peace