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..Soft Focus..
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IP:
This was a good poem, i liked the way you brought your words together it sounded really deep, well written it had a lot of good emotion and creative wordplay
A city soo still takes my action
As i restrain the very brain of interaction
I creep slowly and pause to supliment my flaws
through a city we are seemingly sleeping...
^^that stanza was a great opening the way you finished it was incredible
Vast grey skies with sudden stopped cries
We were wishing to die,our prides flew right by
A section of earth had stopped breathing...
Like a drug for the healing i broke from my feelings
I loved this part the way you described everything hand had your thoughts lined up was tight as hell
I froze life from death to seek a heart in my chest
Found little to compare this to me
I forged on with each hit and loosened my hips
To find little to compare to my dealing...
also very well writtin it had a good sence of though in that
I hail to enforce a new feeling...
like the frozen earth I see
I stopped breathing....
Great finish short and sweet i was feelin that great second line...'like the frozen earth i see' that was tremendous...good work
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