Hmmmmmmmm .. you've got the potential there, you've got a lot of the basics down but at the moment thats just the foundation .. a lot of your multi's and internals are basic one and two syllable rhyming .. the flow was decent in it though, and i think you've got an idea of what good writing is .. it seemed to be more a verse for audio and you cant really get all the breaks and stops through in text as you would audio, but this wasnt bad.
Potentials there.
Reply to mine:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=95933