You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback to or this will get deleted..

But this was ok.....your structure need some work though, try making the lines around the same length to make it structured well, cause you have some short lines and long lines....flow in this was ok, got off at points, try adding some multies and internals to help support the flow in this piece....your vocab was ok, could be up'd though....but overall this was ok...keep at it.