You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback on or this will get deleted..

But this was alright....your structure in the first verse was pretty good, but then when you got into the Bold part you put it in paragraph form, you should put it like you did in the first one, and try making the lines the same length....Your vocab was alright, could be a bit better though....flow was alright, add some multies and internals to help that out...but overall this was alright...keep at it.