I like the concept but its hard to analyze a poem thats not really a poem

i would have to say that there was no ryme scheme pretty much at all and you jumped from sentence to sentence

things were a bit hazy

i think you should of spent more time thinking this out, finding your deep emotions about it and then attempting to write how you feel

block out all the rest of the world except the situation and then just go...and see what comes out

there was alot of emotion but it just dident come out, kinda like you needed that extra push..

not to bad tho...

keep it up