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Registered User
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IP:
Quote:
Originally posted by The Realist
I'm dead awake sleeping, deep thoughts creep in
Apathetic weaping, glorious vicacious reaping
Boundless imperfections, un-unified sections
Uncontagious infections, unneeded painless injections
Intact thoughts shattered, mind under matter
Decending stepless ladders, atomic bonds scattered
after that it went bad....
the imagry was well dont here and the idea was good
stick to a rhyme scheme next time.... the initial part had great flow and was working well for you
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That's what I think man, the whole thing started of great, but then it kind of died down and got a little boring at the end. And the rhyme schem at the end wasn't that great either. Maybe you just need to go back and re-word a few things.  |