When reading this as a text, it does lack the flow..but as an audio i can see how this shit will flow like the tide.....but you need to work on your rhyme scheme however, if you get the emssage across as you said..then who the fuck cares if theres a few words outta place here n' there....

You showed that you have good vocab, use it more efficently..but you generally executed it well... .hope to hear the audio of this...

Keep spittin....3/5