You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback to or this will get deleted..

But this was a ok piece....structure could use some work though, try not to put it in paragraph form, cause some people find it hard to read and stay reading, so try to put it line on top of line and keep the lines around the same length though....flow was ok, it was off at points, add some internals and multies to help that out though....but just keep elevating and keep at it.