well, this was a good read. I though the topic was a little played out, but you guys did it well. The changes in format, which would normally have made it look sloppy, actually added to the diversity of the piece. I liked how you all addressed more than one problem with America.
Lethargic- You provided a great beginning to the entire piece. You used good internal rhyming, and fairly decent multies. Your wordplay was off the hook.
Quote:
Due to events that lead, and leave us, with revenge as a mission
Cuz someone failed to mention..
That societies eyes, just might needa new prescription
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That bar had a really dope concept, except it was the place in your piece where the flow fell off. It got better towards the end though. Well Done.
Cam-LoL, how did you get in an American Freedom collab? It's like me writing about being African. I liked how your vers was geared towards the Youth more than the government, even if the government was blamed for the youth's situation.
Quote:
This escalation in street crime? . . Hollywood's pulled its card,
and now the Star Spangled Banner's been Strangled by Stars.
Momma's Angels in Bars, Underage, & hate themselves, see. .
because their told their generation's Overweight & Unhealthy.
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That was the Highlight of your piece. I think you forced a few rhymes here and there, But all in all it was pretty decent. Damn you and your perfect format.
Lethargic part 2- I liked how it started off rhyming with the end of Cam's verse. This verse seemed very sarcastic, but it highlighted a few truths that you left out of the first one. The format change was refreshing. I disliked the flow, though.
Quote:
They're not carin a bit...
And I can't blame the kids
When our fuckin President...
Can't annunciate sentences
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LoL, quality.
Dez-Starting off with the Bush quote was a nice touch, because it connected the piece to reality. You could have elaborated on your lines more, it seemed like you talked about a bunch of different issues without going in depth on them. You had some nice internal rhyming. Word, come to Canada, we own yoo =)
Quote:
the government is corrupt.. the FBI can now freely poke the callous
power is no longer divided.. these Checks bounced cause of a negative Balance
spouses cheat now out of malice..Americans succumb to political fallacies
our people are so against one another..down the street needs a foreign policy
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Highlights!
Overall, this was a really dope collab, a little tightening needed here and there, but it was a great read.
Good enough reply?