PLEASE.....stop talking about guns and killaz in your pieces.....it will just make it so much better to read/hear.....

Your structure was choppy.....some lines didn't fit together and it seemed as though you formed the lines around words that rhymed, not incorporate words that rhymes into well formed lines.

Try the concept of a multi.....but don't over-do it.....and work on metaphors.

Look at it as a building block....now all you can do is go up.