you show alot of talent for a newbie!
this piece was full of emotion
and you showed it well
your flow was basic but didnt take away from the piece
and structure was simple as well
your message was strong
and you didnt play it out making it long with out any change
kept us interested and made new changes to keep us reading
your ending was good
but i felt your intro could be improved a bit more
and your vocab too.
nice piece

~Tera~
DONT HATE

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