ILL VILLE King
|
IP:
word pretty deep piece man, I was really feeling it like they said already there were a few spots were the vocab hampered the flow, also you may want to work on steady bar, line rates I have the same problem myself Im told, but I figure since I cant find much else in this particular piece to critique it is good advice for everyone.
feeling these
"now as the snow melted and the temperate rate esculates-
the first albino occurs in the shape of black skin with odd traits."
"There’s racism in the realism of persecution-
and we depend on violence for solutions- so what’s retribution?
The irradication of a nation-built by minorities?
when we out number our enemies-
its genocide cause we teach and preach to murder the majority."
Ill drop...
__________________
Kastaway - Controller of The Dark Realm
History has a bad habit of repeating itself. Learn from the events that took place Within the Gathering of Shadows.....
|