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Old 12-13-03, 12:51 AM   #17
Kastaway
ILL VILLE King
 
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Posts: 80
From: ILL VILLE, CT
IP:

word pretty deep piece man, I was really feeling it like they said already there were a few spots were the vocab hampered the flow, also you may want to work on steady bar, line rates I have the same problem myself Im told, but I figure since I cant find much else in this particular piece to critique it is good advice for everyone.

feeling these

"now as the snow melted and the temperate rate esculates-
the first albino occurs in the shape of black skin with odd traits."

"There’s racism in the realism of persecution-
and we depend on violence for solutions- so what’s retribution?
The irradication of a nation-built by minorities?
when we out number our enemies-
its genocide cause we teach and preach to murder the majority."

Ill drop...
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Kastaway - Controller of The Dark Realm
History has a bad habit of repeating itself. Learn from the events that took place Within the Gathering of Shadows.....
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