You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback with or this will get closed...

And you guys should atleast give him some feedback to help him out, not just saying "you suck"

But yeah you need to elevate....you shouldnt put it in paragraph form though, cause it throws the flow off and makes it harder to read for some people, you should put it line on top of line so its structured good...also try adding some multies to this to help it with the flow and to make it better....your vocab should be up'd a bit as well....but just keep elevating and you will get there....and keep at it.