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Old 12-19-03, 01:42 AM   #30
prophiit
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nice message in a well thought out piece.....there wasn't alot of intricacy in this but it really didn't need any.......

i cried me a river that led to an ocean
spilled all my feelings and spread out my emotions
you told me you loved me so i let my heart open
then you said it was over leaving me crushed and broken


^the opener grabbed my attention....i think i caught the theme of something/someone lost right away........very enjoyable beginning the words flowed well both to my eyes and my ears

i threw my tears in the river along with my soul
and let the currents flow take total control
as i slowly walked across, the swinging bridge couldnt hold
all the weight i was still carrying, so it began to fold


the river metaphore through me for a bit......but after i re-read it i understood that you were seperated from your soul.....nice....shows a lot of depth.....poetry should have layers if it didn't then what would be the purpose of writing?.........

after the long drop everything became calm and smooth
and i attempted to get out the water but i was struggling to move
finally, i was washed onto a shore, all broken and bruised
i freelycrawled on the beach, and vaguely still saw an image of u

CAN I EVER ESCAPE YOUR PAINFUL PLEASURE?
OR AM I TRAPPED IN THIS ENDLESS TORTURE FOREVER?


now this is where i start to see things in my own experiences through your words.....you aren't trapped in the traditional sense...you are trying to escape not only yourself but your "pursuer" as well......your own greatest enemy is yourself......at least i think so....overall i think this is a very good piece put together by an intelligent and sensitive poet.....much respect
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