Thread: nos
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Old 02-15-09, 12:40 AM   #97
LaTiNKiTTeN
...i'm da nicest...
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Adam
Rottweiler

I have a dog inside of me,
A Rottweiler I think.
He's getting older
And stronger
And wants off his chain.
But I can't set him free,
At least where he wants.

I put him in there myself
Thinking it would be fine,
But I was wrong.
I wasn't misled
Or unconscious,
Nor intoxicated
So I'd have an excuse.
I put him in there myself,
I wasn't thinking of you.


its overly simplistic.like one "verse" should be like one or two lines....u didnt take the idea far enough for me.then u just throw something in at the end where u were going with it the whole time.but u should have elaborated more.
it was just too short,too simple,vocab was just very elementary.i'm guessing u were trying to be unique so i'll give u a point for that

correct me if i'm wrong,cuz i always fuckin hated poetry in school but i believe u are tryin to say u're a dog inside n u wanna fuck around but u cant cuz of ur chick i mean.......i just think u could have done more with the idea of it....................................
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