ok first of all it was pretty good actually even tho your stucture was a little off i still liked your poem it coulda used vocabulary n stuff like multis n shit....i can tbe taught very easy if you want to..i could help you out with eelvation i would gladly help you...your flow was great a few lines that i didnt understand but i still thought this was pretty good....even if your a newbie or not i still think you came pretty good...i wonder how long this took you to make...i hope it didnt take long lol...try working on being creative with wordplay and creating a picture in your lines cuz if you did so it would look liek a picture lmao...i suggest tryign to write in the monthly picture things in the forum in there i forget what its called but i write to them alot...but your skilled alot better then i was 5 monthes ago i was so wack and herbish omg you would laugh at me but look at me now...imagine you elevating liek i did you would be way better then me...holy shit tho...keep doing your thing cuz i seemed to love alot of that stuff there my fav lines were probably:

Scraping up pamper money tryna keep her head focused
Hard to stay strong when better days seem hopeless
^^not bad vocabulary there and the line seemed to make very good sense..good job..

Got turned out now you went and got loose at the panties
Went from weed to pills to coppin nose candies
^^all tho the vocab was kinda dumb but it hought it was an good creative line with worpplay and great flow...good job..

NO NEED TO RATE ANYTHING as long as i liked it yous hould be happy that i wrote alot for ya...i do it for everyone...specially my homie indeph

return the favour links in the sig "unsuitable Life" i hope you read it all you could learn from me...specially becuz im young...

my alais is Parallel

-Parallel