Monkey-you dont need to capitalize your rhymes like that. People
can see by reading your writing that you've got a good rhyme scheme.
Great multi usage, but you got to get more indepth when your writing
a topical. Its not just about the rhymes, create more imagery. The feeling
is there, you've got good potential with topical verses. i can see it, just
look more into understanding the idea of this. And using the ability to make
words be seen by what your saying. up your vocabulary as well, it needs to
be more complex.
bob-my nigga, whats good lol. this wasn't bad, it was rather short. but i see
as well as you did. That you didnt need to do too much, normally something dope
like this would have turned out great had you extended it. But on this particular
piece i was feeling the way it ended. The shortness actually brought the story line
out more. I think you had great imagery. Your scheme was great as well. good multi
usage, vocabulary was nice. overall good job
v/bob by a land slide
rtf
http://community.rapverse.com/showt...868#post3258868