Originally Posted by Johnny 6-feet

Your rhyme scheme was the strongest point of this, it was consistent and multi packed. The topic was a little introspective and you conveyed what the narrator was thinking pretyy clear. My criticism is your structure, it's fucked up, i looked at it and thought 'oh god, here's a newb to writing who doesn't know... oh wait... actually he's pretty good'. I suggest you space your verses out a line for a line instead of writing continuously and putting a full space between every 2 lines, also quit putting your multi's in capitals, people'll get the rhymes if they read the piece, it looks ugly the way you're doing it. You got the spark of talent man.

Keep posting, keep elavating and please rtf.