This was ok, your imaginary and your emotion was ok, write more and you'll be better. The one thing that caught my eye was the metaphors..Very good.

I wanna fly like birds just gettin by with simple words
i tried and heard i was good but still it seemed absurd
that rhymes could evoke emotion like broken oceans
which opened notions for me holding spoken emotions

Pretty much sums the metaphors part, your flow was cool but like the other dude said your syllable is off, but that don't mean nothing right now, just keep writing.

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mystery Is a Freak!!

ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life.
Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8
ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do.
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private
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