Kid - seen this take been used plenty of time..I've also seen it been done better...

Your telling of this was very shady; I think you could stand to use better imagery to help me get a better idea..the flow was a bit shaky...I think you got your story twisted a bit though, but then again thats my opinion...plenty of stuff could have been worded better, but I see potential..

Troop - Started out well, nice rhyme scheme...the piece was a bit simple, but then again that may be your writing style...Imagery was there, and it flowed nicely...Vocabulary wasn't amazing, but still was above-par..I can tell this isn't your best work, though..Nonetheless, I enjoyed this story more and it was less flawed, so..

-V- Troop