These peices were definitly on another level. Hm...

Baron's, while a freeverse, was more technicly sound. Deacons, your's got sloppy with things like not capitilizing certain words, and certain lines being choppy seemingly due to a missing word entirely. On the other hand, you also kept it clear, concise, and in a systematic format that stayed the same throughout the entire peice. Baron's, your's went with lines that at times were composed of only a few words. While that is acceptable, it's had an effect to me of lack of expression and ideas.

As for the emotional and expressive side of things. Well, I can honestly feel I can relate to both peices. Too an extent. I have a grandmother, but she has yet to die. And I've felt like I've been in prison and eventually found truth to anthropology. For the subject line, I see how both worked. Baron had feelings locked and contained in his heart, whilst Deacon had a character who was literally locked and contained.

I feel that, however, with Baron, you could have gone so much further with your peice. It just seemed way too complacent as well as.. well.. conventional. Kind of like a peice most anyone would write.

Deacon's, well, your's had a bit of innovation to it But to be honest, it aint nothing I aint never seen before.

For that I guess I'm going with deacon on this. But hey, much respect to both.

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Quote:

Originally posted by Bruklor Nec is just dumb

I'm taking that as a compliment.