Stanz. - your verse was short and sweet and missing a lot of crutial things that topicals/poems need to have. You had really good emotion which is a big factor but you didn't have complexity or a colorful vocabulary to enhance the imagery or emotion. You put a good swing of things to the topic but that was about it. Like Soul said, work on the complexity, and the vocab.

Derv - Good spin you put on the topic. The emotion, vocabulary and imagery were all a level or two up from where Stanza's was at. Your piece flowed off the tongue nicely and none of the rhymes seemed forced. Good writing.

\V/ - Derv

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