Originally Posted by Mentalz

die.



Nah I wont let it.

First and foremost I would like to say: excellant job the lot of you.

Laureate
I believe your vocab could increase a bit, however your piece did not suffer from it, but it would have done it more justice. I liked the way you went about the topic. the flow was almost really good, but I found a few bumps in the road, so-to-say. Overall it was a good drop.

MakeShyft
I enjoyed yours the most, I felt it had the better flow of the 6 pieces. Your imagery was on par, here were my favorite lines:
"Clouds collided, and rocks of ice flew sky low.
Our love is put on hold, as the storm goes idol"
The only thing I think you could have improved on would have been better vocab.

Paranoid
To me your piece felt unfinished, I cant really say why. However I did enjoy it. As I read it I felt like yours was more freestyle. know what i'm sayin? I believe you could have upped your vocab abit, but it wasnt a big deal. nice flow, but again it felt unfinished.

The Great White
Nice man. I enjoyed the plot alot. yours was the most different, on topic drop in my opinion. your lines didnt match up very well, however it didnt seem to hinder the flow much at all. nice use of vocab. keep it up.

Illus' Artis
Eh, might be just me, but I didnt like your style very much. your flow was good as was your vocab, but the way the lines went down and rhymed didnt appeal to me very much, however that is just an Opinion, don't take it for gold.

Ysdat
I can see what you mean about starting your lines with certain types of words, it does bring more imagery to a piece. I enjoyed your drop and I think you could have improved it with more multies, maybe a tad more vocab. still, it was a well done piece.

Overall
Nicely done. I didnt so much enjoy reading 6 drops on the same topic, even though it was a collab. that is just me though. I believe you all had excellant pieces, all very well written though a few improvements could have been made as a whole:

-All 6 pieces ultimately unrolling into one main piece.

-Hints of advanced writing techniques. Symbolism, etc... they really create a much more powerful message. Like here...you all got your points across in a good way...but it could be much better.

Nice job guys. Keep it up!

rtf

-Mentalz