king solo- good story, the story coulda been changed a bit to fit the topic but it's still good... emotion was good, and i definately agree with wut u sed bout vocab not makin a story good, the simple vocab you used actually helped by makin me just see the raw story without complicatin it, n u had a good story so it made sense to do that...

mentalz... u had a much more creative approach to a topic, and a great story too... ur piece was very different from solo's in structur and vocab... u had much lots of vocab and multis, and it helped ur piece just as solo's lack of vocab helped his... i really like how you tell the story with lots of emotion and imagery, but ur original concept is wut makes urs the better verse in my opinion

both were good, mentalz was just better
v/mentalz