Rev and DQ, wtf at your versenot making any sense to me. I was waiting for a twist, but you trailed off to a guy falling into a room and getting his pay check?
If im wrong please correct me.

You two dropped weak,seriously. Alot of lines began with I or small words, you two should know by now,start lines with verbs or adverbs and it creates alot more imagery.
Your vocab is weak, I feel you two just threw this together for the sake of dropping.
Hope i dont offend you fam. Just speaking what i thought while reading it.
but damn, this is no were near your usual level.

vote - suspicious and fathom this