Okay, i'll try again.

"Encircled with flowers, at the end of the aisle,
Stood love in all its powers, in the form of two smiles.
People seated in the pews, swooning over such a wish,
Had never before witnessed a union quite like this."

^^This opened up the piece very well. Using some beautiful and fairly well constructed imagery. You bought the reader smoothly into it. Though i felt the last line was a bit looser and over elaborate. Could've been compressed better to go with the first three lines. Nonetheless, started off very well.


"As all looked on in passion for the vows to be spoken,
even though the sweet silence would not soon be broken,
The bride takes her man's hand, palm up, then she starts,
to form with her fingers the words from her heart:"

^^Very nicely written. Carrying on with a real beauty. Also i liked how you stayed away from the fact they were both blind or deaf. Going 'beyond' that. Only hinting it once or twice. The second and fourth line were quite superb.


"Dearest husband, you have taken my handicap and healed it,
Found the leak from which my tears fell, and you've sealed it.
Shed light on my darkness, and to me, revealed it:
I can't hear your heart beat, but I surely can feel it.
Darling, once was a time I thought life was ill-fated,
I focused on what was lost, not what could be created.

^^Not sure whether you were using the 'it' in a well worked way. Or whether it just formulated like that. But either way, it came out very good. You seemed to go slightly more in depth here. Using it to add extra power. Not too deep, but just about right for the overall way you wrote it. Keeping a slightly cryptic feel to it too (well it would be if you hadn't told us before hand who was blind and who was deaf, and also basically if we hadn't known whast you were writing to). You keep the reader intrigued. Maybe a bit too rigid with the rhyme scene. Though that only comes out in the end of this part.

Life was jaded, and all of my sunshine was shaded,
I desperately awaited happiness reinstated.
Deaf to sound, numb to life-I soon raised my defences,
But your love, not my loss, helped me come to my senses.
And Thank God. I've no regrets, I never find myself reminiscing-
For what I've seen in your soul makes me not miss my listening."

^^Well written. You kept that certain depth. Wording it well with an effortless and recurring beauty. Though i did feel the last line could've been executed a bit better. It seemed a bit blunt for the overall feel of the piece (stanza at least). And over elaborate in how it was put. Felt a more subtle approach would've been better. Still, didn't matter much.


A translator to the right voiced the words the bride signed,
As the spectators struggled to keep their tears confined.
Such sweet words; She looked to him, her heart began to shudder,
Now it was the groom's turn, emotional, his lids' fluttered,
but he still kept them closed, and in his mind, searched for scripts,
he'd rehearsed many a time; He touched her fingers to his lips:

^^Simply beautiful in imagery and 'word-play'. Also the way you further opened up what was going in such a smooth manner caught me attention. Executed very well all the way through.


"Beloved Bride, I've cried, and in the tears nearly drown,
at the thought of not seeing you today in your gown,
With your sparkling eyes peering at me through that veil,
a lacey white with detail, known to me like my braille-
by touch only. But I've eased my mind knowing just this:
The clearest eye-sight could not do your beauty justice.
And everytime I mourn not being able to see your real features,
The gorgeous images I have of your soul serve as sweet cures.

^^Now getting further into the complexity of the situation. Not too much. It wasn't that kidn of piece. But instead just about enough to both dig and comprehend in a smooth and encapsulating way. The meaning behind it executed in a raw yet beautiful way too.


and my blindness has helped me over observe other traits,
Like memorizing every single curve of your face,
with my hands; Or your laugh, the way it resounds in my ears,
and how anytime I'm lonely, that sound reappears.
You've eased my fears, My life before you was flipped up and twirled,
I went blind, But I wouldn't trade a thing for the world,
Because now, I have you, and I appreciate and adore,
all these things i see now, that I would have missed before.
Just stay with me, Love, through all of our years,
You be my eyes and I'll be your ears.
Together you and I, I know we can manage,
And no longer feel, in this world, disadvantaged."

^^Rounded off in a way befitting for the piece. It seemed you yourself by now had got into total stride, and got right into it too. And kept on writing. Which gave off that extra effect to the reader.


Now my first attempt at judging this piece was more extensive and 'better'. But as said, i lose it cos of my damn computer.

But nonetheless, the sentiments are still roughly the same.

It was a bit of an epic. Though it did go off once or twice. Overall, it didn't matter too much cos the rest of the piece was so 'strong'. Also i felt mabye an intertwining of the two (and interchanging even) could've been more interesting and effective. And a small, but powerful finishing stanza in an over-view like style.

But that also didn't matter much. This was a beautifully done piece.

What do i give it?

9.25/10 (considering the difficulty of the topic, it was done very well..).