As I said before on aim, I feel like you have alot of issues with your wording and I don't really get a vibe that your truly confident in your own words. To me it feels like you have alot of techniques vaguely worked in, but you've got to learn by reading and writing more how to more directly incorperate those techniques so that they are properly placed and are able to allow the line to live up to a standard. Stuff like all capping of a solitary word and throwing down an exclamation, that doesnt nessisarily envoke emotion as you may think it does. That does bring about emotion, but it feels artificial, when if you work in key objective terms and work your lines correctly the use of an exlamation isn't even required to make someone sense the angered/frusterated tone. This was ok, you've got some improvements to make definately, but keep at it.