U need a lot of work on ur rhyming..try to incorporate more complex rhymes and words/ vocabulary...

try to stay away from rhyming the same word twice in a row unless it is done for effect...not just cus u have nothing else to rhyme it with...use spell check and orgainze ur work into lines...also u don't need to show us what words rhyme, we are all smart enough to figure that out by ourselves...

keep truckin' mate..

cheers