Ehh.. alright
you need to fix the flow.. it seems as if you were trying to occasionally throw in big words or make a point. Some of it was a hard read because your sintax.. punctuation helps alot. Make sure you read over it. But Good job. In the end, think your stuff out, clarify it, and don't rush development. If you rush it.. the emotion won't fully hit the reader nor will the desperation. Take your time, hone your craft, good looking

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